You had it the hardest. You were born with such bright blue eyes and a smile that brightened the lives of family and strangers. You planted HOPE in your grandmother, when she was giving up, when in your 4 year old innocence, you crawled into her ICU bed, snuggling as close as you could. You never saw all the tubes and monitors and life support connected to her body, you saw only Grandma. Though she would not open her eyes, she squeezed my hand and a tear rolled out of her eye when you begged her to let you come back.

You and your Grandfather were best buddies. Remember your movie nights? Remember those chocolate chip cookies? Or pushing Grandma around the house in her wheelchair, so Grandma could use her fly swatter to knock some sense into “Poppy”?! And don’t ever forget those “Tom Collins” oh and of course those watermelon seed fights!

I say you had it the hardest because you were surrounded by an ambiguous cloud as a result of being the “1st born” after Christopher. Society dictated 33 years ago that you “just get over it, move on, forget about it like it never happened” heaven forbid you would try to talk about it with someone! Your Dad and I couldn’t communicate, you always felt unloved, and you were always searching for love, for trust. What I know now after developing and facilitating a support group, is that I had built a wall of protection so strong that no one, nothing was ever going to make me feel that pain of loss again, EVER!

I say to you on this Mother’s Day that I love you with all my heart and I am so very thankful that you came into my life when you did.